You want cake? You got cake! 

I recently found myself on the receiving end of an extremely cutting remark. I was having brunch when all of a sudden I heard some nonsense about “needing to learn portion control” aimed in my direction. Here is my response…

Stupidly enough I let this get to me for nearly three days until I came to my senses. I won’t divulge my size because it doesn’t matter in the slightest. With all the criticism and scrutiny every person on this planet is under nowadays it just showed that I am so much healthier in my emotional and psychological body image….and that makes me feel pretty smug actually!

So, you know what we should do in the face of our critics?…eat cake! Not just any cake, the most effective metaphorical two-fingers-up cake I could think of. And there is only one that immediately springs to mind. Bruce Bogtrotter’s cake.

 My sweat and blood went into this cake, and you will not leave this blog until you have consumed the entire confection!

For the cake, you will need:

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 cups granulated sugar
  • ¾ cup cocoa
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup milk
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the grenache icing:

  • 1 cup heavy whipping cream
  • 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Firstly, preheat oven to 180°C.

Mix dry items together. Add wet items slowly. Use a mixer until well blended.

     Licking the bowl clean at this point is mandatory…

 Grease a 9-inch round baking pan and pour in batter. Bake 30-35 minutes (until a toothpick comes out clean). Leave to cool for 10 minutes before frosting.
To make the grenache icing: melt the chocolate in heavy cream on a saucepan, stirring until fully melted. Remove from heat and let cool. To frost I like to pour over the cake and then smooth using a spatula to help spread it evenly.

    It doesn’t have to be perfectly neat, it’s the taste that matters.

Now, I want you to join me in waltzing passed that gym bag on the floor and tossing your trainers to one side with a smile. You don’t have to eat the whole cake like Bruce was forced to, although that is not my idea of punishment. Head to the kitchen and cut off a large portion of chocolaty heaven, grab a cup of tea and a Roald Dahl book (of course) and indulge yourself – “You can do it Brucey”


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